Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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