he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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