Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
