I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
