Well douche your snatch and let's go!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
