she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
