the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize