Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
