Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
