Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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