worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
