Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
