Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
