Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize