i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
