I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize