I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
