she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can you bring me the toilet please
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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