hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
