so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
