i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize