It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
