So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
