I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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