worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
