I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
