we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
