I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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