i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize