what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
