I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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