i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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