I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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