Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
