would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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