It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
