who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
