Small penises have feelings too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
