Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
