I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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