I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
