Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
