Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
