He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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