did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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