do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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