it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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