Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
