Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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