Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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