life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
