the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
