im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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