I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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