I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's shark week go big or go home
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
