shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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