So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
