I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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