I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
