I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
