I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
