I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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