He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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