My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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