I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
