Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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