I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's never too late to be topless.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
