Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They took my balls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
