i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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