Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
