I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
