I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize