it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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