I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
