i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
