i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
