I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
