I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
