Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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