is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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