I've blown a few things in my day
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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