Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize