My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I booty called her while she was in labor.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
