I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
