I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize